Vladimir Putin: An Asian man standing on an Oriental rug

First off, let me make it clear that I don’t want to use any terms that are going to offend people because, well, I want to keep all my teeth. If people want to be called “Asian” instead of “Oriental,” that’s what I do. No sense starting fights.

That said, my question is, when did “Oriental” become offensive? I remember when I was growing up, if you wanted to insult someone from China or Japan, there were many words you could use, but “Oriental” was never on the list.

In my experience, the people who are offended by the word “Oriental” are usually not from the Orient themselves. They’re second- and third-generation Americans with a political agenda. The majority of the 1.5 billion people currently living in the Orient, on the other hand, don’t care. Most go about their daily business, blissfully unaware that there are Americans who make an issue over this word.

Besides, whoever decided we should start saying “Asian” instead of “Oriental” wasn’t looking at a map. By land mass, most of the continent of Asia is Russia. But nobody calls Vladimir Putin Asian. To further confuse things, Japanese people are usually considered Asian, but Japan is an island. Many Japanese people have never set foot on the continent of Asia.

If you look it up, “Oriental” simply means “eastern.” Nothing offensive about a compass direction. True, China and Japan are to the east and Europe and America are to the west only for a person swimming in the Rhine river. But it’s a useful convention that’s not meant to be derogatory toward anyone. In fact, the word “Tokyo” is Japanese for “eastern capital” and the Japanese word for “Japan” basically means “land of the rising sun” – in other words, the east. (This also explains the big red circle on the Japanese flag.) So at least some Japanese people don’t seem to mind identifying themselves as “eastern.”

I searched the Internet to see if someone out there could explain why they were offended by this word. From what I’ve been able to gather, for some people, the word “Oriental” conveys the meaning of “exotic, mysterious, strange.” To bury this stereotype, they say, we should call people from Orient “Asian.” Only rugs and fans are Oriental.

But if the whole point of using the word “Asian” is to combat the “exotic” stereotype, it’s funny how common it has become to hear phrases like “exotic Asian” (1,620,000 Google results) and even “inscrutable Asian” (10,900 Google results). After a few decades of use, “Asian” is taking on the same “exotic” connotation that “Oriental” had. Who knows – after another 50 years, they’re going to say “Asian” perpetuates the “exotic” stereotype, so we have to switch again.

Boil it down, it seems what offends people is not the word itself, but what the word has unfortunately come to be associated with in some people’s minds. It’s the connotation, not the definition. In other words, the problem is not the word, it’s the people.

Actually, by taking a perfectly nice word like “Oriental” and making it offensive, what people have done is created a cause for offense where none existed before, thereby contributing to the problem of racial division that they were trying to solve.

If you want to overcome the “exotic” stereotype, start with people, not the dictionary. As the late William Safire said: “Cool it, humankind; let the language change in its own time, not to fit the schedule of any -ism.”

Tonya Harding vs. Koji Takanohana. Need I say more?

When people ask about visiting or living in Japan, one thing they don’t fully understand is how extremely expensive it is. It’s expensive in ways you didn’t even think of. So I present 12 reasons why Japan is so expensive, besides the strength of the yen.

#1 Things cost more.
Japan is an island, and most everything is imported. Small watermelons you can palm in your hand are $10 (US). Mangoes are packaged in special gift boxes and sold at $100 for a set of two.

Whatever the average cost of a gallon of gas is in the U.S. right now, add about $2 per gallon for Japan.

#2 Nothing is free, complimentary, or included.
I sit down for a nice meal at an Italian restaurant. The waiter brings a basket of fresh bread. Complementary, right? Wrong. When you’re done, they count how many rolls are left, and charge you individually for each one you ate. Just a few dimes, but it’s the principle. Free samples are rare, even in nice grocery stores.

#3 Portions are smaller. Not that that’s a bad thing. Most Americans could survive with fewer calories. But $10 for a pizza smaller than my hand isn’t my idea of lunch. The one saving grace is you don’t have to tip in Japan.

#4 It’s crowded. Japan has about half the population of the U.S. squished together onto an island the size of Montana. Which means anything that takes up floor space is at a premium. Theaters, for instance. It’s about $20 to see a movie at the theater, and there’s no such thing as a matinee.

Hotels are another space hog. A bare-bones hotel costs about $100 per night per person. Yep, they charge by the person, not by the room. If your hotel has a Jacuzzi, fitness room, business center, or pool, each of these incur a separate, additional fee. That’s why Japan has its famous capsule hotels – they’re the only ones with somewhat reasonable prices. But you don’t want to stay in one of them. Let’s just say capsule hotels are for businessmen who have not been home in a long time, and usually feature vending machines with dirty DVDs.

#5 Komakaii (or, How I got thrown out of Starbucks) I went to a Starbucks in the middle of a new mall in Osaka, bought a mocha, plugged my laptop into the wall and started working, just like I have many times in the U.S., where many coffee shops (albeit not Starbucks) also offer free wireless Internet. I had just logged on when a barista came by, pointed at the plug, and made the universal “no-no” sign. I gave a blank look and pretended not to understand. Five minutes later, another barista came by, who knew some English, and struggled to explain that tapping into their electrical current is forbidden. I didn’t let him know that I had understood the first time. I offered to buy another coffee if it would help justify my outrageous electricity usage. No good. He stood there and watched until I unplugged it. So I left. It seems to me that Starbucks would want to keep customers happy rather than spare a few yen of electricity.

Then there was the kid who was arrested for plugging his cell phone in to a vending machine outlet for a recharge. The list goes on…

“Komakaii hito ” is the Japanese word for meticulous bean counter, and there’s plenty of them in Japan. The cumulative accounting staff time of an entire country that fusses over three-sevenths of a cent can add up.

#6 Shakken, not stirred. Americans visiting Japan often remark at how clean and well-kept the cars are. You never see a car with red electrical tape serving as a tail light. Of course, there is a reason for this. Roughly every two years, you have to take your car in for a complete bumper-to-bumper inspection, called shakken. The inspection itself can cost between $1000 and $1500, even if nothing is wrong with your car. If you have so much as a small rip in the interior, this must be repaired immediately (see “komakaii”, above). Vehicles that do not pass inspection are not allowed to be driven on public roads. As vehicles get older, maintaining them at the standards required by the shakken can become prohibitively expensive. As a result, many Japanese used vehicles are exported to other nations right before or after their shakken is due. Despite the legendary durability and reliability of Japanese-made cars, it is rare to see a car older than six years on the road in Japan.

Did I mention that a driver’s license costs $3,000?

#7 All the highways are toll roads. And traffic jams are common and long. People in the eastern U.S. are used to this, though. Don’t think you can avoid the tolls by riding in a bus, either. They collect the toll from each passenger. That’s why people in Japan generally ride trains and bicycles. Even then— no kidding— you often have to pay to park your bicycle.

#8 World-class product quality. Japan had a very prosperous economy for many years. It’s been more than a decade since the bubble burst, but Japanese consumers still have very discriminating tastes – which drives product quality through the roof. But you’ve got to pay for that.

Take fingernail clippers. In the U.S., this is an extremely simple device – three pieces of steel connected on a pivot. Sells for about $3 at Walgreens.

But you ought to see the fingernail clippers they have in Japan. Tiny masterpieces of design, engineering, and marketing. Metal guards are attached to both sides so your fingernail doesn’t go flying when you cut it. The bottom lip of the blade sticks out just a little farther than the top so that you can’t stick your finger in too far and cut the quick. Some even have decorations of your favorite Disney character for extra cuteness. Comes with a matching case. It’s the most deluxe pair of fingernail clippers you’ve ever seen. But they’re $30 each.

That’s great, and if you want to own the world’s most amazing pair of fingernail clippers, Japan is definitely the place to buy them. Considering the world-class quality, $30 isn’t bad, actually. The problem is, they don’t sell a simple pair of cheap-o U.S.-style fingernail clippers anywhere. The deluxe model is the only model you can find. Don’t get me wrong – I like nice things. But I also like to have the option of spending $3 for a pair of clippers if I want to. That option is difficult to find in Japan.

That’s just one silly example, but the same can be said for many Japanese products.

#9 Flea markets, garage sales, or secondhand stores. Japan has them, called recycle stores, but they’re not as popular as in the U.S. There are two big sales each year, in January and July. Other than that, expect to pay a high price for necessities. On the bright side, Japan has many dollar stores with some really nice stuff.

#10 Prada and Gucci and Bvlgari. Oh my! Significantly more Japanese people buy designer clothes than Americans. In some cases, buying designer brand names isn’t just a matter of keeping up with the Joneses or being a fashionista. In some places, it’s hard to find somebody wearing a suit or a necktie that’s not Gucci.

#11 Gift-giving culture. In the U.S., you spend a day seeing the Grand Canyon, and at the end of the tour, you might browse through the gift shop for some souvenirs. In Japan, the gift shop is the attraction. Visit Kiyomizudera, a temple still standing in Kyoto that was built in 798 using only wood – no nails. Touring the temple takes about five minutes, but there’s about a mile of gift shops you have to walk through before you even get to the temple. Many Japanese tourists go there for the gift shops only, visiting the temple itself only if they have time. After all, if you go on vacation, you must bring back souvenirs for everyone. Omiyage is not just fun, it’s required.

Basic social interactions in Japan are almost always punctuated with a gift. Visit someone’s house? Bring a little gift (and if they’ve given you a gift recently, you have to match or beat the price). Go on a job interview? Bring a gift for your potential employer. And if you really want the job, it better be expensive. If you have more than one friend, this can turn into a complex gift-giving competition all year round.

#12 No J-DIY. Changing the oil in your car, or something as simple as repairing a chip in the wall usually means hiring a professional.

Now, for the top reasons America is expensive? Healthcare. One visit to an American hospital and everything’s about equal.

This story is kind of the reverse. Toyota has released a new model called the Venza – a nice-sounding product name in America. But you could never sell a car with that name in the car’s home country. In Japan, “venza” means “toilet seat.” Seriously. I’m not making this up. It would normally be spelled “benza” in roman letters, but b’s and v’s are interchangeable in Japanese.

It’s not as simple of a question as you think. Of course, different times of the year, the moon appears in different colors, and then you have the “once in a blue moon” thing to think about.

But basically, it’s white or gray, right? I had grown up thinking that, anyway, until my wife, who is from Japan, told me it’s yellow. At first, I thought it had something to do with the curvature of the earth, the atmosphere, or air pollution levels causing the moon to appear differently in Japan. But then I started asking around—other Japanese people, Koreans, even second-generation Vietnamese-Americans. They all said the moon is yellow. I Googled it, and even found an academic study on the the cultural differences in color perception.

“Wow, we can’t even agree on the color of the moon,” I thought as we pulled up to a traffic light. “You can go now! The light is blue,” she said.

I ask her why traffic lights are blue, and she says it’s because go is the opposite of stop, and blue is the opposite of red. Riiight. “But if you saw the same color as that traffic light on a shirt, what color is it?”

“Green.”

Now she’s just playing with me.

Here’s my theory: Japanese people think in cartoons. Really. Color is perceived in terms of how objects would be represented in an illustration or a drawing, whereas Americans tend to perceive color in a more literal, photorealistic way.

Take fire. Japanese people will tell you that the sun is red (as in the Japanese flag). Of course, depending on various factors, real fire can be white, yellow, blue, red, or other colors. But which crayon do you pick up when you want to draw flames? Red? Therefore, fire is red, say the Japanese. Red is the color of hot, and so the sun is also red.

In Japan, color is not so much a matter of the actual spectrum of reflected light, it’s the semiotic flavor of an object.

A good example from Western symbolism is the “stick man.” If you think about it, the typical “stick man” drawing doesn’t really look like a person at all. But it’s such a commonly used symbol, we see a circle and four lines and immediately recognize what it represents. Japan has a lot of those symbols. After all, the Japanese written language is originally pictographic. Colors are also perceived in a symbolic way.

This also explains the Japanese habit of referring to silent things by the “sound” they make. It is common for a doctor in Japan to ask if your headache goes “don don” or “giri giri.” This is a serious question about whether your head has a deep, throbbing pain or a sharp, acute pain. Of course, you and I know that real headaches don’t make sounds, and when pressed, Japanese people will admit this too. But these imaginary pain “sound effects” are accepted and well-known in Japan.